A whole new world.....

Everyone has life plans….when I was in my early teens I dreamed of following my mom’s footsteps….I was gonna get married at 20 like her, and my wedding dress was gonna be like hers, and my hair was going to be done exactly how she did it when she got married for the first time because she looked so happy and she loved/loves him so much…but I was a child then and didn’t understand all the suffering that she went through when he left her with 4 children to raise and then she got married to my dad who she did not love, and that was hell….so that plan went out the window….then I pursued my other childhood dream…to become a nurse.  I went to school for too long because I am not focused enough, so I didn’t finish as soon as I should have, but it had a happy ending. While in college I planned on having a child, not getting married, but just having a kid, then I saw how some girls “raised” their children and how I didn’t want to be selfish and not be completely dedicated to my child, so I put that on hold until I was more emotionally and financially stable.  As of now I have no plans…I don’t know what I want, I’m content…and I’m not sure if it’s a good feeling or not; I thought it was, but it seems like I need to have more accomplishments in my life to fulfill my duty in this society….but I’m not gonna plan on anything as of now, just going to enjoy what I’m doing and wait on life to show me its plans because I sure as hell don’t know where my life is heading, but whenever those plans decide to reveal themselves I am ready to embrace them! :-)

That’s what I put after my signature at work….it has become a part of who I am….and I’m proud of it….but should I be content with it? I got a message from my aunt who was trying to inspire me to become a doctor instead of just a nurse. I’m not offended by this message, instead quite flattered that she believes I can do it, and I know I could, but I don’t want to. I even wonder if I should get my BSN sometimes, which I will eventually no worries….but I am happy right now. I like what I’m doing. I like building relationships with my patients who I see a lot more than I see most of my friends. I like using my youth to get down on the ground and clean up the blood spill, and I like holding a bucket for them to throw up in. Yes, this sounds disgusting, but I like being useful, and I like the feeling I get when I can make someone feel comfortable after a very embarrassing moment…I like to think that everybody is important no matter the title they hold. I very much appreciate the lady that comes in the morning and cleans the toilets, she does it happily and always has a smile on her face, could she have been a doctor? Probably….but she would probably have to have given up something, like maybe her many children?  Everybody’s happy in different ways…I might not be happy with what I am right now in a few years, and you bet your ass I would do something about it, but as of now I am happy by being a simple, eager to learn, not afraid of getting dirty registered nurse.

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?  YES
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? YES, I’M A COUGAR LOL
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? UMMM….CAN’T REMEMBER
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? SURE…NOT OFTEN THOUGH
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? YUP, STORY OF MY LIFE
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? YES :-)
7. What exactly are you wearing right now? SWEATS AND A T-SHIRT
8. How often do you listen to music? ALL THE TIME
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? SWEATS
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012? NOPE
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? I GO THROUGH PHASES, BUT MOSTLY SOCIAL
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘B’? YES
13. What about ‘S’? YUP….MORE THAN KISSING….LOL
14. Can you drive a stick shift? NO (ASHAMED FACE)
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? NOT REALLY…UNLESS THEY’RE MY “FRIENDS”
16. Are you going out of town soon? TOMORROW!!! SEE MY BEST FRIEND!
17. When was the last time you cried? LAST NIGHT
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? ALL THE TIME
19. If you could change your eye color, would you? NAH….THEY’RE FINE THE WAY THEY ARE
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? YES
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. I’M HUNGRY….SO NOT HAVING FOOD….WISH I HAD A CHEF AT MY DISPOSITION
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? VERY…..
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? NO
24. What are you sitting on right now? MY PINK DESK CHAIR :-)
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? YES, MY BEST GUY FRIEND
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? YUP, ALL THE TIME….THAT’S USUALLY WHEN I WANT THEM LOL
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? DANIEL
28. Do you get a lot of colds? SOMEWHAT
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? UNION COLLEGE
30. Does anyone hate you? NOT THAT I KNOW OF….
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? NOPE, MY ROOM IS ACTUALLY PRETTY CLEAN RIGHT NOW
32. Do you like watching scary movies? HELL NO
33. Do you want your tongue pierced? NOPE
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? THIS PAST YEAR
35. Did you have a dream last night? NO, I DON’T REALLY HAVE DREAMS
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? LAST NIGHT
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? IT DOESN’T LOOK PROMISING….BUT WHO KNOWS?
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? YES
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? YES
40. Did you have a good day yesterday? IT WAS AIGH
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? NOPE, NOT A REAL ONE AT LEAST
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? YES!!! MY BESTIE AUBIE :-)
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? YES
44. What’s the best part about school? THAT I’M NOT IN IT
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? LOTS
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I’M NOT IN SCHOOL -___-
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? YUP
48. Were you single over the last summer? YUP
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? NOT AT ALL
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? NOTHING, DAY OFF
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? NOOO…..I LOVE HIM!!!
52. Are you nice to everyone? PRETTY MUCH, UNLESS THEY’RE TRYING TO STEAL MY FRIENDS….I’M A VERY JEALOUS PERSON….
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? I’VE HAD MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT THEM…DOES THAT COUNT?
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? YES
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? YES
56. Do you think you like someone? KIND OF….SORT OF…..NOT REALLY SURE
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘T’? NOT THAT I CAN REMEMBER RIGHT NOW
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? IT USED TO BE JUST BOYS, BUT I ENJOY MY GIRLFRIENDS A LOT MORE NOW THAN I USED TO….IT’S A TIE….
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? YES….EMBARRASSING
60. Do you hate anyone? NAH….
61. How’s your heart? PRETTY GOOD….HEALTHY
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? YES
63. Have you ever cried over a guy? OH YEAH…..STUPID GUYS
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? NOBODY…..I’M SO LOVED LOL
65. Are your toenails painted pink? YES
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? YES
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? EWWWW…..HELL NO
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? HAHAHA….IN HIGH SCHOOL, PLAYING FLAG FOOTBALL
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? AUBIE
70. How do you look right now? LIKE I JUST GOT OUT OF BED
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? YES
72. Can you commit to one person? UMMM…..IS NOT JUST HAVING ONE PERSON THAT IS THE PROBLEM….IS THE COMMITMENT THAT’S THE SCARY PART…..
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? YES
74. Have you ever felt replaced? YES, TOO MANY TIMES….HATE IT
75. Did you wake up cranky? NOT AT ALL….I’M A MORNING PERSON
76. Are you a jealous person? VERY MUCH
77. Are relationships ever worth it? SOMETIMES, IF THEY’RE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON
78. Anyone you’re giving up on? YUP
79. Currently wanting to see anyone? YES
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? WORK AND DRIVE TO MAINE
81. Last person you cried in front of? OH MAN….IT HAS BEEN A WHILE, I USUALLY HIDE…UMMM….PROBABLY JAMIE….WHEN THE BOYTOY AND I BROKE UP
82. Is there someone you will never forget? YES, MANY PEOPLE ACTUALLY
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? YES
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? PROBABLY WATCHING A MOVIE AND GOING OUT TO DINNER….IS OUR THING TO DO
85. Are you over your past? GUESS SO….
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? DOES CONFUSION COUNT?
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? YES
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? YUP
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? YES
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? YES, I WAS ACTUALLY WITH HIM FOR SEVERAL MONTHS….DISASTER…
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? WHO KNOWS???
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? YES, GREAT GUY….LIKE A BROTHER TO ME…
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? NOPE
94. Were you in a relationship in January? NO… How was it going? -__-
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? NO
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? OF COURSE, HE’S MY BOYFRIEND! LOL
97. Who do you have texts from? TODAY? MY BF, RICKY, AUBIE, AND LA CHAMA
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I’M HAPPY FOR YOU
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? OH YEAH…..
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? AUBIE! MY BABE….
101. Ever kissed under fireworks? NOPE
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? YES :-)

So, this weekend me and a few of other peruvians drove to NY to see this artist named Gian Marco who is a huge deal.  Well….the last spanish concert I went to was Mana a couple of months ago at the Agannis arena in Boston and it was AMAZING! I was expecting the same experience if not better due to  the fact that I really, really enjoy Gian Marco’s lyrics….well…first of all the tickets said the concert started at 8 pm and doors opened at 7 pm…so we showed up around 7:30 to be able to get a snack in before it started.  When we walked in we found out it was NOT a sit down concert.  I guess it was this club and all these hoochies were around and what not, but I was still cool with it, not so excited about standing up, but I was ok.  OMG, tell me why it was around 8:45 concert of course hadn’t started yet because we were on spanish time AND a fight had already broken out.  Now, I would not have had a problem with this whole situation if it had been a rock concert or some hyped up music, but this guy sings ballads….like really deep lyrics, music that you chill to. I was definitely expecting something else.  Anyways….concert started around 9:30! 2 whole hours of waiting…on my feet! ridiculous, but I was so excited I did not care. Concert started and I could not see anything!! I am so short and this idiot in front of me kept holding his iPod up….why on earth would you play the song he’s performing on your iPod at the SAME time???!! it was sooooo frustrating!!!!! I love my culture, but some people just mess it up, this concert made me hate my people a little bit, they’re just so unorganized…..that’s my venting, I’m still a proud Peruvian….just not happy with their ghettoness sometimes.

This is what I heard over and over again today at work….it was really depressing…I watched and held this old man’s hand while he was in pain and begged God angrily to please just let him die….he hates his life, he hates his sickness….and I of course came home and cried….you know science is amazing and medicine keeps discovering new ways of keeping people alive…but at the cost of what? if dialysis didn’t exist, this man would have what he wants…he would be dead and pain free….